Poems from the NICU.

wide eyes search me
smile right at me
alive and awake
from the deepest of sleeps.

she grasps my finger
and all within me
falls back together
even now, it is well.

my every move and word is watched
by this little human life.
I steel my resolve,
tell her “be strong”
even now, she learns to hold on.

new moms and dads
in line at the door
carseats full.
balloons galore.
they’re homeward bound
but I watch from afar
while monitors beep
and tearful prayers fall
over my smallest, strongest one.

the day is ending
her fight is not.
our goodnight song carries her off.
I whisper to her “it will all be fine”
as I turn and leave my heart behind

in a room we did not build for her
in a bed we did not plan.
with machines that breathe & live for her
as she no longer can.

I can feel her every second of the day.
she’s stronger than I’ll ever be
she’s beauty, bright, and brave.

I’ve never believed or hoped so hard
or walked in such deep faith
as when my warrior’s story
was written in this way.

words from the very mouth of God
are spoken night and day
so she will know her Maker
and firmly stand to say
that she is no accident,
that this was no mistake.

Blue eyed fighter
home is waiting
sleep within my arms.
Live to tell the story of
the purpose in your scars.

 

{Ansley Allen. 2014.}

Postpartum Depression: Warning Signs

I finally shared a lot of my journey with Postpartum Depression, anxiety, and psychosis during an Instagram Live discussion this week. After the chat was over, I got flooded with messages from other moms who wanted access to my list of resources, my list of warning signs to watch for, and my list of Scriptures to use for prayer and for fighting lies with truth. So I figured I would actually post all of that on the blog as well so anyone could download it and save it.

So here is a graphic I whipped up for the warning signs that you or someone you love may be dealing with PPD or PPA.

Keep in mind, these are only some of the main things to look for, there are MANY different ways PPD and anxiety can present, and every woman is different. These are just the things I personally felt like were my main warning signs. 

I used Postpartum Support International as a source. When making this graphic, I used Canva.

The pregnancy announcement

Here’s how we announced that we were pregnant with our first baby! Shot with a go pro. That we rigged up to a bar stool and like a lamp, a dog, a book, and Jesus. #StillFun